What About
Suicide?
by
Fr. Donie O’Connor
“And when no hope was left
inside, on that starry, starry night, you took your life as lovers often do. But
I could have told you Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful
as you.”
The poignant song and
lament saluting the gifted Dutch artist Vincent Van Gogh, written by Don Mc
Clean. Vincent was deeply sensitive and he was entwined and caught up in the
beauty and color of love and life. He always felt tormented, felt always on the
"outside" and misunderstood. My friends, you and I can change the silence. You
and I can bring that awkward disturbing and secretive word out into the light.
Diminish its power and taboo by simply talking about it. We all in someway have
been affected or touched by suicide.
Suicide
There is something about suicide that cuts across everything we are doing, feeling or thinking. It has a chilling and cold ring to it. We are stopped in our tracks. Everything else becomes unimportant. There is no pretence in the minds and hearts of those who take their own lives. With a deep gut reaction we know there is something ultimate and frightening here. Somewhere in all of us, a silent uncomfortable shiver of fear begins to shake and chill us. It shocks and jolts our system. Why? Because all of us have our breaking point and we are scared we too may fall into that same deep human pit of despair. I had a close friend, John whom I worked with for thirteen years. He fell into financial difficulties. He was strong and gentle, a good man, a true friend, a committed father and husband. And something snapped. The strain, the pain, the unbearable pressure were all too much.
One day he did not show up for work. Later I discovered on a lonely hillside he
took his own life. I remember feeling small and powerless, guilty and mad with
anger. Why did I not see the signs? The depression? It took me a long time to
realize that when someone chooses this road that the isolation is so painful;
the person is sometimes locked and sealed in despair, a giant despair that maybe
beyond the point of rescue.
When someone commits suicide it is a mighty tragedy. It is a sad and panicky
decision and sometimes a cry for help. It is a decision made in the lonely
darkness of unendurable pain. And there is no need for the deep guilt, self
blame and anguish that sometimes haunts and torments those left behind. Why?
Because there was nothing you could have done.
Why were we not there?
We were not there at the time of the fatal act because the person did not want
us to be there. He or she usually chooses the time and place precisely with our
absence in mind.
Is suicide a sin or really a sickness?
Suicide is not a sin; it falls into the realm of sickness. In many ways I see it as a disease. A depression of the soul. That is why, all the loving outstretched hands and hearts of family and friends and professional help sometimes cannot reach a soul paralyzed by the despair and isolation of this sickness. There is no doubt about it; our wounded loved ones who choose to take their own lives are safe in God’s huge loving heart. Nothing is outside the compassion of God. God’s love is greater than ours. God’s understanding is wider than ours. When our loved ones wake on the other side they are comforted by a gentle God who restores peace to their troubled souls. Our God can go through locked doors, breathe out peace in places where we cannot get in. They are safe again in God’s care.
Suicide leaves a terrible heavy grief on the shoulders of
those left behind. However we must understand it for what it is: a sickness of
the soul. And the God who redeems all flaws, failures and mistakes, who brings
new light into the darkest of shadows will restore hope and courage to those
frightened and lonely hearts who leave this life far too early and this same God
will also be the comforting hand on the shoulders of those left behind,
whispering over and over again, “your loved ones are safe in my arms, do not
blame yourself, there was nothing you could do.”
To conclude: the Christian response to suicide is
compassion. It is a sickness, a terminal illness so strong that it sometimes
quenches hope and takes a person out of life far too soon. It sometimes chooses
the beautiful, the sensitive and the vulnerable like the highly acclaimed
artist, Vincent Van Gogh. However our healing God redeems everything in the end
and makes everything healthy and whole. All will be well, even beyond the
tragedy of suicide.
“And when no hope was left inside on that starry, starry
night, you took your life as lovers often do. But I could have told you Vincent,
this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.”
Copyright (c) 2010 by Rev. Donie O'Connor